i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
