I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
