My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize