I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
