Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
