The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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