Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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