Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
