I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
