I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
