I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
