I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
