Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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