Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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