Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
