I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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