am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
