hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
