I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize