We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
