yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
