just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
