he shaved USA in his pubs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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