So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
