I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Randomize
