I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
