YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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