Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
