No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
