There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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