Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
