BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
