If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
