Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
