haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
