My first STD was from a foam party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
