I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish you could order shots online.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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