I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
