So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize