careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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