so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
