will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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