You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
