He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
