11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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