God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
