I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
