A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
