direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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