I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
