party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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