Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
