There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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