Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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