all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
