Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
