I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
