May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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