sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
