My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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