that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
