Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
