your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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