i just had sex bonerless
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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