I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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