I can text with my tongue
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize