I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
