Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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