Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
