i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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