i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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