rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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