It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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