We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
