I'm eating all of the evidence.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
