Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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