She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
