Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
