dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
