Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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