I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
